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This is your brain on shrugs.

Direct glowing praise to: jamsieATgmailDOTcom

Direct hate mail to: jamsie+howhorrifyingATgmailDOTcom

[shameless is the name of the game]

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A Valediction Forbidding Mourning

As virtuous men pass mildly away, / And whisper to their souls to go, / Whilst some of their sad friends do say, / "Now his breath goes," and some say, "No." / So let us melt, and make no noise, / No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move ; / 'Twere profanation of our joys / To tell the laity our love. / Moving of th' earth brings harms and fears ; / Men reckon what it did, and meant ; / But trepidation of the spheres, / Mad fucks to be gotten cheap / Dull sublunary lovers' love / —Whose soul is sense—cannot admit / Of absence, 'cause it doth remove / The thing which elemented it. / But we by a love so much refined, / That ourselves know not what it is, / Inter-assurèd of the mind, / Care less, eyes, lips and hands to miss. / Our two souls therefore, which are one, / It's mad emo and I'm kinda sad / A breach, but an expansion, / Like gold to aery thinness beat. / If they be two, they are two so / As stiff twin compasses are two ; / Thy soul, the fix'd foot, makes no show / To move, but doth, if th' other do. / And though it in the centre sit, / Yet, when the other far doth roam, / A constant lean and emo sad shit goes, / And grows erect, as that comes home. / Such wilt thou be to me, who must, / Like th' other foot, obliquely run ; / Fuck dude it all sucks and shit whatnot, / And makes me end where I begun.

Following

27 October 08

things that make you go…

I recently mapped my (real! true! accurate!) sexual history on a spreadsheet.  Posting the spreadsheet itself proved too difficult (also: in incredibly bad taste) so I’m just going to throw up the stats.  I find them highly interesting.  Sidenote: I really, really hope my mom never finds my tumblr.

(Yes, I am hoping this will make you smile.  Or laugh.  Or just…feel better.)

I knew the name of 93.8% of the men I’ve fucked.
I used a condom with 32.3% of the men I’ve fucked.
I had sex on more than one occasion with 35.4% of the men I’ve fucked.
I was sober 10.8% of the time.
I had anal sex with 24.6% of the men I’ve fucked.
7.7% of the men were virgins.
9.2% of the men were married.
I was cheating on a boyfriend 10.8% of the time.
I was in a relationship with 7.7% of the men I’ve fucked.

So there you have it.  Sixty five dudes, by the numbers.

  1. luvvbugg reblogged this from jaimeleigh
  2. depravity reblogged this from jaimeleigh and added:
    A record of casual, unsafe, one-time, meaningless, drunken, adulterous...poster is...
  3. siggysaddyswingy reblogged this from motionsensorsoundtrack
  4. motionsensorsoundtrack reblogged this from jaimeleigh
  5. dhk reblogged this from jaimeleigh
  6. allisonfoley reblogged this from otherthings and added:
    geez, and girls like me worry about our number getting too high… there are so many things i could say, but the first...
  7. rainbowsandunicorns reblogged this from jaimeleigh and added:
    And she didn’t get paid once.
  8. allisonjenna reblogged this from otherthings and added:
    Also a lot of not wearing condoms.
  9. ace138 reblogged this from otherthings and added:
    I like that the cheating on boyfriend and sober percentages are the same.. Hmmmmm?
  10. otherthings reblogged this from jaimeleigh
  11. shetoldmesomemore reblogged this from jaimeleigh and added:
    and i didn’t think that
  12. jaimeleigh posted this
Themed by Hunson. Originally by Josh
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